Sexy lingerie: how to choose a set and size

Sexy lingerie is almost always bought without a fitting room, and opened knickers can rarely be returned. So the purchase comes down to three things that are hard to see in the product photo: what is in the pack, whether the manufacturer publishes a size chart, and what the material can take.

This guide covers the most common types – bra and knicker sets, corsets, suspender belts and stockings – and how to pick a size for each. Shiny garments in PVC, wet look and latex have their own guide, PVC clothing: sizing and care, and a ranking in best PVC clothing.

Model photos often show a complete outfit, but the pack only contains part of it. Three examples from our reviews:

Obsessive 859 is a corset with detachable suspenders and a matching thong – the stockings in the photos are not included, as both the manufacturer and the retailers state. Late-X latex stockings are a pair of stockings without a hold-up band according to the manufacturer, and one of Orion's own photos shows them attached to a suspender belt that is not included. Daring Intimates Bra, Panty & Blindfold contains three pieces – a bra, a crotchless thong and a blindfold – but no garter, unlike the brand's sister product.

So count per outfit, not per pack. A set with a suspender belt and stockings can be a complete look, while a pair of stockings without a hold-up band needs a belt as well.

Bra and knickers. The most common set. The fit depends on the bust measurement and the straps – an adjustable bra band gives you leeway. Thongs and crotchless knickers are covered below under trying on and returns.

Corset and waist cincher. A corset fits snugly around the bust and waist; a waist cincher, like the Black Levels vinyl waist cincher, only goes round the waist and has no bust measurement to consider. Back lacing allows some adjustment – Orion describes the give in its waist cincher as “ein wenig Spielraum”, a little room, without giving any centimetres.

Suspender belt. A belt that sits between waist and hips, with suspenders that hold up stockings. The suspenders are often adjustable, and it is the adjustment that makes up the difference in length between stocking and belt.

Stockings. Either hold-ups with a top band that keeps them up on their own, or stockings for suspenders that need a belt. More on the difference below.

Measure with a soft tape measure against your body or over thin underwear, keeping it level and without pulling tight. Four measurements cover almost everything: bust around the fullest part, underbust directly under the bust, waist around the narrowest part and hips around the fullest part of your bottom.

Obsessive publishes a model-specific chart for the 859 corset with four measurements per size: S/M bust 85–94, underbust 69–77, waist 68–77 and hips 90–100 cm; L/XL bust 95–104, underbust 78–86 and waist 78–87 cm. That is unusually detailed. Orion uses a shared women's chart for its brands, where for example M (40/42) corresponds to bust 90–97, waist 74–81 and hips 99–104 cm, and XL (48/50) to bust 107–118, waist 91–102 and hips 113–121 cm.

Retailers' own charts sometimes say something different. For Obsessive 859, one retailer's chart puts the cut-off for L/XL at a 90-centimetre bust, while the manufacturer's puts it at 95. Anyone measuring 91–94 centimetres therefore ends up in different sizes depending on which chart they read. The manufacturer's chart is the one that counts.

Bra: bust and underbust. Corset with a bust: all four, but underbust and waist decide how it closes. Waist cincher: the waist. Suspender belt: waist and hips – pick the size that fits both, since the belt sits between them. Knickers: the hips.

If different measurements put you in different sizes, look at what can be adjusted. Lacing, adjustable straps and elastane give leeway. A garment with no elastane and no adjustment gives none – then it makes sense to go by the larger measurement.

Many sets are sold in two combined sizes. That relies on the material stretching – Obsessive 859 has 10 per cent elastane, the Daring Intimates set 10 per cent – and on adjustable straps. According to Orion's chart, Late-X latex stockings in S/M cover dress sizes 36 to 42, because latex stretches.

Sometimes there is no chart at all. For the Daring Intimates set, neither the manufacturer nor any of the retailers publishes body measurements for S/M or L/XL. Then all you have to go on is the size label and the adjustment: choose a set with an adjustable bra band and elastic straps rather than one with fixed measurements.

Hold-ups have a top band – often with silicone – that keeps the stocking up without a belt. Stockings for suspenders have no such band and only stay up with a belt. They are easy to mix up, even for retailers.

One retailer describes the stockings in NO:XQSE's wet-look set as “matching hold-ups”, but the manufacturer Orion calls them stockings for suspenders and writes that the metal clips hold them in place; no silicone band is mentioned. According to the manufacturer, Late-X latex stockings have no hold-up band. In both cases, expect to need a belt.

Stocking size is often even more poorly documented than the rest. Orion's general stocking chart links dress size XL and 48/50 to stocking size V, but that is a general chart, not information about a specific set. The adjustment in the suspenders is what makes up the difference in length.

Lace and mesh in sexy lingerie are usually polyamide with elastane. Both the Daring Intimates set and Obsessive 859 are listed as 90 per cent polyamide and 10 per cent elastane. Polyamide and nylon are the same fibre – the EU Textile Regulation uses the name “polyamide or nylon”. Elastane is a synthetic fibre and not latex, despite the similar name.

Wet look is a glossy stretch fabric. PVC-look garments are in most cases polyester with a polyurethane coating, as in Black Levels' garments. Latex is natural rubber. The differences in feel, care and allergy risk are explained in latex or PVC.

If you have a latex allergy, check the material declaration. The lace set, the wet-look belt and the PU-coated garments in our review list no latex; the latex stockings are natural rubber and carry the manufacturer's allergy warning.

Wash new lingerie before wearing it for the first time, and wash dark and strong colours separately – Orion's customer information for the Cottelli skirt states both. A saturated red synthetic garment will normally lose colour the first few washes.

Lace in polyamide and elastane does not tolerate heat. For the Daring Intimates set, one retailer specifies washing at no more than 40 degrees, no bleach, no tumble drying, no ironing and no dry cleaning; elastane loses its recovery at higher temperatures, and polyamide melts under a hot iron. Obsessive's general care guide specifies hand washing at 20–30 degrees or an ultra-gentle machine programme in a wash bag, no tumble dryer and drying flat away from sunlight and radiators.

Close Velcro, hooks and metal clips before washing so they don't snag lace and mesh. Lay corsets flat or hang them – don't fold them sharply. PVC and latex have their own rules, which are set out in PVC clothing: sizing and care.

Distance purchases often come with a right of withdrawal, but it generally does not apply to sealed hygiene goods once the seal has been broken – and a thong or crotchless knickers are exactly that kind of item. Retailers draw the line differently: some exclude everything worn on the lower body, while tops and dresses may be tried on and returned.

Orion's customer information gives one simple piece of advice for the manufacturer's entire clothing range: always wear your own underwear when trying things on. Read the retailer's terms before you open the pack, and try on the top first. A faulty item – a seam that comes apart, a hook that comes loose – can always be claimed under warranty.

Lingerie is one of the hardest gifts to buy, because the size has to be right without the recipient trying it on. Three things reduce the risk: choose garments with adjustment or combined sizes, choose a type where one measurement is enough – a waist cincher, a suspender belt – and check the retailer's return policy for unopened packs so the recipient can exchange it. More ideas and things to consider are in sex toys as a gift.

Some people look for underwear that doubles as a toy: knickers with a pocket for a small vibrator, often remote-controlled. That is a category of its own, with its own questions about magnetic fastening, range and noise, covered in trosvibrator-guiden and best panty vibrator. If you want to combine lingerie with role play and, for example, a blindfold, you'll find the basics in BDSM for beginners.

Whatever the garment: take it off if it chafes, pinches or causes a rash, and seek medical advice if the symptoms don't go away.