Twelve common mistakes with sex toys – and how to avoid them

Most mistakes with sex toys aren't about how the toy is used in the moment, but about everything around it: the lube, the cleaning, the storage and the charging. They're easy to make and just as easy to avoid. Here are the twelve we see most often in manuals, warnings and warranty terms – and what to do instead.

One rule runs through everything below: the manufacturer's instructions for your particular toy take precedence over general advice. They decide what the toy can take, and they decide what the warranty covers.

This is the mistake that most often ruins a toy for good. Silicone-based lube can make the surface of a silicone toy sticky, dull or porous. LELO writes in the manual for its LUNA Beads that silicone-based lubes and hand creams can make the silicone permanently sticky, and Svakom's warranty excludes damage caused by lubes that aren't water-based.

Do this instead: use water-based lube with silicone toys. If you still want to use silicone lube, do as pjur recommends – test it on a small, hidden area first. With glass and metal toys, any lube works. More in which lube should you choose.

Baby oil, Vaseline, coconut oil and massage oil weaken latex. The NHS is clear: don't use oil-based lube with latex condoms, choose water- or silicone-based instead. That also applies to a condom on a sex toy.

Do this instead: check what material the condom is made of – it says on the packaging – and choose a lube that explicitly lists that material. More in lube and condoms.

The rectum can draw in objects that have nothing to stop them. So anything inserted anally must have a flared, wide base or a sturdy handle that can't follow it inside. An ordinary dildo without a base, a vibrator without a base or any other object doesn't belong there.

Manufacturers are often clear about what is and isn't intended for anal use. Satisfyer doesn't list the glass dildo Dazzling Crystal 2 for anal use, and it has no wide base. We-Vibe writes in the manual that the bullet vibrator Tango X isn't designed for anal use. Gildo, on the other hand, states that the flat base of the No. 4 glass dildo makes it safe for anal penetration.

Do this instead: choose a toy the manufacturer lists for anal use, with a wide base. Read more in butt plugs for beginners and among the best butt plugs.

It's easy to choose a size from the picture or from what sounds exciting. But a toy that feels just right in your hand can feel big in your body, especially anally. The body needs time to relax, and for anal use plenty of lube is needed because the rectum doesn't produce any moisture of its own.

Do this instead: start smaller than you think you need, go slowly and add more lube. Pain is a signal to stop, not to push on. Avoid numbing lubes for the same reason – they mask that signal. Read more in what size dildo and lube for anal sex.

Toys should be cleaned both before and after use. Afterwards to remove bodily fluids and lube before they dry on; before to remove dust and anything that has got on the toy during storage.

Just as common is reaching for something too harsh. LELO's manual prohibits cleaning products containing alcohol, petrol or acetone, because they attack both silicone and ABS plastic. So hand sanitiser is no shortcut.

Do this instead: lukewarm water and a mild, unscented soap or a sex toy cleaner, thorough rinsing and completely dry before storage. Material by material in how to clean sex toys.

A toy being waterproof doesn't mean it can take heat. Manufacturers of toys with a motor and battery often give a temperature limit: for the Tango X, We-Vibe states that the product and battery must not be exposed to temperatures above 45 degrees. That rules out boiling and the dishwasher, even if the toy is rated IPX7.

The IP rating is also easy to misread. IPX7 means the toy has been tested for immersion in one metre of water for 30 minutes. IPX5 only means protection against water jets – the toy can be rinsed but shouldn't lie in the bath. And some toys have no rating at all: ORION writes of the Cuties Vibrating Mini Butt Plug that it must not be submerged in water.

Do this instead: read the IP rating and the temperature limit in the manual. Boiling is generally only an option for toys with no electronics at all, and only if the manufacturer allows it. See waterproof sex toys.

The charging contacts are the most sensitive part of a rechargeable toy. Svakom writes in the user manual for the Echo 2 that the product must never be charged while wet, that it must not be submerged in water while charging, and that only chargers with a 5-volt output may be used – not fast chargers.

Do this instead: dry the toy and the contacts completely before charging, use the cable that comes with it and an ordinary charger, and read what the manual says about the charger. Many toys have a product-specific cable that no other cable can replace. More in how long does a sex toy last.

Porous materials such as TPE, TPR, PVC and jelly have microscopic cavities. They can be cleaned on the surface but not sterilised, which makes them less suitable for sharing. Non-porous materials – silicone, glass, stainless steel and hard plastic – can be cleaned completely.

Do this instead: only share toys made of non-porous materials, clean them between each person and use a new condom every time you switch – including between anal and vaginal use. The NHS mentions that some people put condoms on their sex toys. More about the materials in safe materials in sex toys.

Toys lying loose together in a drawer get dusty and scratched and can react with each other – soft materials and silicone can be affected by prolonged contact with other materials. LELO states in its manual that the product should be stored free from dust and separately from products made of other materials, and protected from direct sunlight and extreme heat.

Do this instead: store each toy clean and dry in its own pouch or compartment, somewhere cool and dark. See how to store sex toys.

A toy that switches on in a bag or drawer drains its battery, gets warm and can be damaged – and it's rarely discreet. The travel lock disables the buttons. On several models it also unlocks automatically when the toy is charged, so it has to be switched on again afterwards.

Do this instead: learn how the lock is activated on your particular toy and make it a habit before storage and travel. More in travelling with sex toys and discreet sex toys.

A toy is designed for a particular use, and the manual says which. A vibrator for external use isn't made to be inserted, a toy without a base isn't for anal use, and Kegel balls aren't for use during intercourse. The same goes for temperature play: for the Dazzling Crystal 2, Satisfyer states that the glass may be warmed in lukewarm water up to 60 degrees and cooled in the fridge down to minus 5, but never put in boiling water or the freezer.

Cock rings are another example. They work by restricting blood flow, and they should be taken off immediately in case of numbness, discolouration or pain. Satisfyer's quick start guide for the Swordsman also states that piercings and jewellery in the intimate area should be removed before use. See how to use a cock ring.

Do this instead: read what the toy is intended for before you try something new. If nothing is said about a particular use, assume it isn't intended.

A toy that has become sticky, has cracks or chips, smells odd or has a damaged surface should not be used. A sticky silicone surface can't be repaired and is hard to keep clean. A glass toy with a crack, chip or scratch should not be used at all. The same applies to a vibrator whose charging port or seam has started to come apart.

Do this instead: inspect the toy every time you take it out, especially glass and toys with seams. Replace it if it's damaged. More in how long does a sex toy last and are glass dildos safe.

Read the manual before first use – especially lube, water resistance, temperature and charging.

Water-based lube with silicone toys; never oil with a latex condom.

Only toys with a wide base or sturdy handle for anal use.

Clean before and after, let dry completely, store separately.

Never boil or dishwash anything with a motor or battery.

Only share non-porous toys, with a new condom every time you switch.

Travel lock on before storage and travel – and again after charging.

Stop if it hurts, and replace toys that are damaged. If you're new to this, there's more advice in sex toys for beginners, and if you want to bring up toys with someone else, in how to talk about sex toys with your partner.